The Decline Of Posing
Here begins 'How To Become A Virgin'
One day when I was working in Loughton College of Further Education, the 'life' master was able to prevent only one of his pupils from escaping. 'Well', he exclaimed, turning towards her and beaming broadly, 'the entire day, the whole room and all of Mr. Crisp are yours.'
In some ways the decline in popularity of life drawing was a secret blessing. My physical stamina was declining so drastically that, even if enthusiasm for my efforts had been evinced, I could no longer have sustained wildly heroic poses all day and every day. . . To conceal this fact I took to posing intermittently. In the end this would have made my declining years extremely impecunious but, for a while, I preferred this way of life; it allowed me more spare time which I put to good use by indulging in my only hobby - doing nothing.
Later in life, when strangers asked me what I did with my spare time and I told them I did nothing, they too instantly became agitated. To them even the most fatuous alternative to idleness seemed preferable.
'But you don't really do noting to you?'
'Yes'
'But you read.'
'Books are for writing, not for reading.'
'Well then, you write.'
'Not if I can possibly get out of it.'
'Don't you listen to the radio?'
'Listening to the radio is like holding a conversation with someone who is wearing dark glasses.'
'The you watch TV.'
'Seldom and never to kill time.'
'But you can't just do nothing.'
With my back to the wall I concede that I breathe and I blink. At this point my inquisitor's fury usually explodes over me like a hand grenade.
One day when I was working in Loughton College of Further Education, the 'life' master was able to prevent only one of his pupils from escaping. 'Well', he exclaimed, turning towards her and beaming broadly, 'the entire day, the whole room and all of Mr. Crisp are yours.'
In some ways the decline in popularity of life drawing was a secret blessing. My physical stamina was declining so drastically that, even if enthusiasm for my efforts had been evinced, I could no longer have sustained wildly heroic poses all day and every day. . . To conceal this fact I took to posing intermittently. In the end this would have made my declining years extremely impecunious but, for a while, I preferred this way of life; it allowed me more spare time which I put to good use by indulging in my only hobby - doing nothing.
Later in life, when strangers asked me what I did with my spare time and I told them I did nothing, they too instantly became agitated. To them even the most fatuous alternative to idleness seemed preferable.
'But you don't really do noting to you?'
'Yes'
'But you read.'
'Books are for writing, not for reading.'
'Well then, you write.'
'Not if I can possibly get out of it.'
'Don't you listen to the radio?'
'Listening to the radio is like holding a conversation with someone who is wearing dark glasses.'
'The you watch TV.'
'Seldom and never to kill time.'
'But you can't just do nothing.'
With my back to the wall I concede that I breathe and I blink. At this point my inquisitor's fury usually explodes over me like a hand grenade.